Joke of the day...

[Gordonbcb]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.

As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently. Are you OK?"

"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded, "Pepper."

[Eddie]

Went around to a friend?s house today. His wife was sat there with
their newborn baby. She asked if I'd like to wind it.. I thought that
was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead

[Superbrother]

During a pretty deep conversation my wife asked me where I would like to be buried.

Apparently "balls deep in Cheryl Cole" is not an acceptable answer.

[spirit_of_will]

During a pretty deep conversation my wife asked me where I would like to be buried.

Apparently "balls deep in Cheryl Cole" is not an acceptable answer.

[RickMG]

During a pretty deep conversation my wife asked me where I would like to be buried.

Apparently "balls deep in Cheryl Cole" is not an acceptable answer.

Love it.

I have it in my will to be cremated, give my ashes to my wife who I want to put me in her douche and run me through one last time.

[rokkitsci]

An old -- and I mean very old: he's 107 and she's 103 -- couple walks into the lawyer's (solicitor's) office.

"Can I help you," the lawyer asks?

"Yes," says the old man, "we'd like a divorce."

"A divorce," asks the lawyer? "May I ask... how long have you two been married?"

The old woman thinks for a minute and replies, "eighty five years."

"Eighty five years," exclaims the lawyer! "Why on earth do you want to get divorced after being married for so long?"

"Well," says the old woman, "we wanted to wait until the children were all dead first."

[Superbrother]

I met a Cherokee Indian the other day who said I must meet his wife, Four Horses.

"What a lovely name" I proclaimed, "Where did it come from?"

The Cherokee sighed and said "F**kin' nag, nag, nag, nag"

[Superbrother]

In bed with the wife, she asks me "what would you like to do with my body?"

Apparently "identify it at the morgue" was the wrong answer......................

[the mothman]

Today my wife told me I am immature and need to grow up.!
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house now....

I felt sorry for a hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised 7 blokes then tripped over the microphone cable and yelled "F-ck Me"...... What happened next will haunt me forever.

A policeman with a sniffer dog came up to me the other day and said "My dog tells me your'e on drugs".
"ME!" I said "your'e the one with the talking f-cking dog".

[the mothman]

Did you hear about the Spurs fan who has concussion?
He lives near me...only a stones throw away in fact...

A bloke went to the doctors complaining of strange voices in his pants. The Doc said "ignore them, they're talking bollocks".

Was standing at the urinals next to a midget when I noticed him winking at me. I turned my back a bit but wheni looked around he was still winking at me, so I said "whats your problem, do you f-cking fancy me or something?" He said "No you f-ck, you're splashing my eyes!"

[nev coss]

walked out of the pub yesterday after a long session on the beer , bumped into the local vicar,
"pissed again Nev"
"Ay and me vicar"

[Robert747]

[Robert747]

[Robert747]