The "RANT" Thread.

[Simon-JG-hr]

One that's really started to annoy me over the last month or so...

People's insistence on asking you how you are when you meet up. You're either going to be fine, or your opening up a whole can of worms... It's one thing if you've got a blocked nose, but I can't be arsed to explain my situation four or five times a day... and, as often happens when I do, it becomes the talking point of the social meeting (and I'm getting out to distract me from the problem, not talk about it again!) Particularly annoying when it's a good friend who knows exactly how you are - why bring it up!?

I could say I'm fine, but (a) I don't like lying, and (b) I'm not, so I don't want people to think that I am either... I'll put on the old happy face and crack some jokes and have a good time, as I don't want to bring my problem out with me, but that's different from being fine.

What was wrong with the old: "How do you do..." responded to with "How do you do." Acknowledging each others prescence and health.

[mb55317]

I think if that's all we have to worry about we're doing ok!


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[patrickspark]

i'm quite miffed that my coffee was not as hot as i like it at lunch - but i am too polite to say anything to the waitress.

[patrickspark]

What was wrong with the old: "How do you do..." responded to with "How do you do." Acknowledging each others prescence and health.

you'd like me - i always greet people with " good morning - afternoon-evening or goddnight" as appropriate. and if i really like them " good to see you"

[rokkitsci]

OARS

One that's really started to annoy me over the last month or so...

People's insistence on asking you how you are when you meet up.

Back in the day (when I was still a working man), I wrote this article about something similar which I found particularly annoying:

Oral Automatic Reflex Syndrome (OARS)

OARS is a pervasive inclination to utter essentially meaningless rhetoric, generally actuated by the proximity of another individual.

F?rinstance: ?Hihowareya??

Hihowareya (one word) is an inane sound uttered in the general direction of anyone within hearing distance to acknowledge the existence of the other person, bereft of content. The last thing the utterer wants to hear is how you actually are. Heaven forefend should you respond with something like, ?Well, my back is acting up again and this damp weather is wreaking havoc with my arthritis and just last week I had to take Daisy, my three-legged llama, to the vet?s because she?d developed the worst case of shingles I?ve ever seen in a camelid?? This will evoke a look of panic and is virtually assured to provoke a flee response: ?Err? yeah? well? I really gotta go.?

The expected acknowledgement to ?Hihowareya? is ?Good (or great or swell or hunky-dory), how are you?? In fact, so conditioned are we to this automatic exchange of blather that oftentimes my answering grunt will interpreted as having provided the scripted response and the person will continue with the rote acknowledgement ?I?m doing great, thanks,? and be merrily on his or her way, having fulfilled the protocols associated with this particular mandated mundane muttering.

If I?m feeling particularly curmudgeonly, my riposte to the ?Hihowareya? blurt wil be ?What are you, the beneficiary to my insurance policy?? Having thus departed from the scripted response, this will usually elicit a look of confusion and a stuttered ?Whaaa???

Most often; however, my standard reply is an enthusiastic ?Stinkingly wonderful!?

I did not originate this phrase. I had a co-worker, lo these forty or so years ago, who unfailingly used this answer and achieved particularly satisfying results with it, so I took the liberty of ?borrowing? it and have been eminently pleased ever since. For, you see, a cheerful ?Stinkingly wonderful? creates immediate confusion. Is this a favorable reply or an indication of misfortune? As the perplexed OARS victim sputters, I am able to make an opportune exit.

Then there?s the ubiquitous ?How?s it going??

My standard response is ?How?s what going??

Occasionally, I will substitute ?Depends on the antecedent to ?it?.? Most OARS sufferers don?t know what an antecedent is and will rush off in pursuit of a latte at this point. Of the few who do happen to know the term (required knowledge back in the day when students learned to diagram sentences), it will cause them to do a mental Ctrl-Alt-Delete reboot as they search for meaning amongst the meaningless. In either case, I am left to freely go about my business.

Finally, we come to the parting felicitation: ?Have a good one!?

Upon close examination, we find the absurdity in this phrase when considering the circumstances. We?re at work for goodness sake! It?s too late to have a good one. We?d settle for a short one, the quicker to be over it. A good one would be totally out of the question. Preposterous! An exercise in moving hot air.

There is only one proper response to this inanity: ?Have a good one what?? On special occasions, I am also known to reply with: ?If it?s really good, can I have another one?? Either way, the conversation (such as it is) ends abruptly.

In case you haven?t noticed, I?m not a big fan of programmed response. If I ask you how you are, it will be in the context of an actual conversation in which I am expressing an interest in your well-being, not as an expulsion of air through my vocal chords intended merely to fill the auditory void between us.

Well-meaning though most people may be when they exhibit their OARS symptoms, I nevertheless just can?t bring myself to conform to this Stepford salutation scripting. Needless to say, after a few encounters, most people tend to identify me as being somewhat eccentric and eventually overcome their conditioned impulse, refraining from initiating a valueless exchange of words with me at all. Some won?t even make eye contact. A few have been known to seek alternate routes to avoid me.

Maybe if I started wearing my aluminum foil covered colander on my head, they?d leave me alone altogether.

[JOAO LA PEZ]

One that's really started to annoy me over the last month or so...

People's insistence on asking you how you are when you meet up. You're either going to be fine, or your opening up a whole can of worms... It's one thing if you've got a blocked nose, but I can't be arsed to explain my situation four or five times a day... and, as often happens when I do, it becomes the talking point of the social meeting (and I'm getting out to distract me from the problem, not talk about it again!) Particularly annoying when it's a good friend who knows exactly how you are - why bring it up!?

I could say I'm fine, but (a) I don't like lying, and (b) I'm not, so I don't want people to think that I am either... I'll put on the old happy face and crack some jokes and have a good time, as I don't want to bring my problem out with me, but that's different from being fine.

What was wrong with the old: "How do you do..." responded to with "How do you do." Acknowledging each others prescence and health.

Asking how someone is can lead to some funny situations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yh6YZ6jgmw&feature=related

Apologies to anyone who is easily offended, not really,