Electrodes At Dawn

[Robusto]

7.00am Thursday just gone.

I'm having chest hair shaved to receive one of six electrodes near my nipples, on my feet and on my arms. I'm lying stll on a leatherette green bench and there isn't a sound in the big GP surgery.

I'm here not because of some heart attack scare but because my GP has called for a check up.

I'm here at this early hour because I am a "worker" (their term) and have to drive over fifteen miles to get to work.

I have blood pulse height weight tests but not the sperm today. All is recorded. All is noted. She is a nurse. She does not judge.

My Doctor, however, is in George Orwell's Junior Anti-Sex League. I can already hear the moans about my bad habits coming through cold eyes and a silverfish mouth.

I apologise for being a lardarse but live off fruit juices. Mostly M&S Satsuma Juice bought on the way home. Food is boring.

She does an... Oooo I Know... We All Have Busy Lifestyles..

For the SMOKING bit, I change one small cigar a week inside the computer already to at least two BIG Cuban cigars a week. I know that when I'm on heat that number goes up.

I am surprised at how much pleasure I get from describing big cigars to the nurse. We both laugh but I suspect at such an early hour her finger checks out the position of the panic button under the desk.

I'm enjoying remembering this under the duvet here. I'm only spilling this because my GP is the woman who advised me to stop smoking cigars and take up cigarettes as, according to her, they are healthier.

I'm just wondering.

If you could be the puppet inside my mouth, what you would reply to this advice?

The only thing I can think to do is to +1 the number of cigars I claim to consume per week every time I have a chest hair shave. Just to rib the GP.

I'm sorry. I'm such a well-behaved man in non cyber life that these small stupidities bring out my low-level sinner.

Here's to the blog.

[jibjob79]

Maybe her logic is 3 cigs a week is better than 3 cigars a week under the smaller is better brain fart.


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[daverave999]

Have you considered using a different doctor?

[Robusto]

Hehehe!

Yes Dave. There are five others in the practice. I very rarely go there but when I do I always ask for one of three others.

[Deano]

Genius stuff as always. They'll be a blog feature on here when I finally upgrade to v4, hoping you will use it Bryan.

I can't understand her saying they're worse than ciggies. Yeah there's the usual risk of mouth cancer et al, but I'm pretty sure smoking is worse. But then, she is the doctor.

I must admit to always having a guilt conscience. The fact that I created this forum and it might make people smoke more, tends to affect my karma. I'm hoping no-one will ever hold it against me.

So what were the results? All good?

[Robusto]

They will have sent the blood off as per. My heart chest etc never give me any gip. I'll share the results lol.

It just felt borderline pervert being splayed out so early. These things stay with me.

[JOAO LA PEZ]

I set little store by what any Doctor says, 20 years ago eating more than 1 egg per week would lead to your early death from clogged arteries, now they are good for you, i used to follow very healthy low fat diet and had a cholesterol reading of 6+ now i have a transport cafe fry up the day before my test and am sub 5 reading.
Its all total "COJONES", eat, drink, smoke and be merry, stress will kill you faster than anything, anyway who wants to be 90 and spend 24 hours a day sitting in your own waste products.
Now where is that Lusitania,

[EugeneSax]

I am surprised at how much pleasure I get from describing big cigars to the nurse. ...her finger checks out the position of the panic button under the desk.


my GP is the woman who advised me to stop smoking cigars and take up cigarettes as, according to her, they are healthier.

If you could be the puppet inside my mouth, what you would reply to this advice?

I was just wondering.

I was just wondering where that finger was going.

I'd tell your GP she is absolutely and totally misguided to recommend cigarette over cigar smoking.

A quick breeze through Google will bring up many reports to back this up. Whilst all reports etc basically say that cigars aren't a safe alternative, and few actually spell it out*, the overwhelming conclusion (using some common sense and knowledge of cigar smoking) is they are in practice safer.

For example, a quote from the National Cancer Institute monograph of 1988:

"Regular cigar smokers have risks of oral and esophageal cancers similar to those of cigarette smokers, but they have lower risks of lung and laryngeal cancer, coronary artery disease, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease."

as quoted here:

http://www.cigardiary.com/index.php?module=pagemaster&PAGE_user_op=view_page&PAGE_id=30

* Some actually contradict their own findings, presumably to be seen not to be advocating cigar smoking in any way. Here's a classic example of using semantics for politically correct purposes:

"While people often think that cigars are a "safer" smoking alternative to cigarettes, this is absolutely not true. It is more accurate to say that there are fewer cases of smoking-related disease and death due to cigars because they are used differently than cigarettes."

If the phrase in bold isn't actually saying cigars ARE safer, what is it saying?

From here - http://quitsmoking.about.com/od/ciga...rHlthRisks.htm


And finally whilst by no means a get out of jail card, this does give some comfort & encouragement to at least moderate ones smoking:

"The increased risk for those smoking 1?2 cigars per day is too small to be statistically significant,^[168] (from the NCI report referenced earlier) and the health risks of the 3/4 of cigar smokers who smoke less than daily are not known^[170] and are hard to measure; although it has been claimed that people who smoke few cigars have no increased risk, a more accurate statement is that their risks are proportionate to their exposure.[171]"

From the Wikipedia entry: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_effects_of_tobacco

[Robusto]

Joao.

I'm of the permissive slant and - like you - think you should eat / smoke / drink / do what you like whilst keeping a beady eye on the term IN MODERATION. I guess we all know people who are exceptions to health rules. Cancer is the most random illness, it seems to me, picking up and discarding cases regardless of smoking at times.

Dean.

I have to say that when I discuss or read or commune about cigars, I get far more of an urge to get on the case. It's probably true to say that that urge is pepped up by brotherly collectivity within these screens.

Do you feel ashamed? lol.