Anyone got any jokes?

[Gordonbcb]

A sex therapist claimed that the most effective way to arouse your man is to
spend 10 minutes licking his ears!!
Personally I think its bollocks!!

[Styler]

A man walks into a bar and asks the barmaid for a double entendre... so she gives him one.

[Simon-JG-hr]

Maybe familiar to those who've been watching Boardwalk Empire on Sky Atlantic:

Divorce Case Judge: Sir, I have decided to give your wife ?1000 per week.
Divorcing Husband: That's very generous of you your honour. I may give her a few quid too.

and another (from the same show)

A man walks in to find his wife in bed with a stranger. "What the hell is going on here!?" he exclaims... "See, I told you he was stupid," says the wife to the stranger...

[Superbrother]

Polish guy goes to the opticians for an eye test.
The optician sits him down in front of the test chart with rows of letters on.

Optician: "Can you see how many of these letters you can read for me"
Polish Guy: "T........C.....H.....A....Z..E.............Hang on a sec, I know this guy!!!"

[Robert747]

SEX STARVED

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the ffice:smarttags" />lace w:st="on">Afghan Desertlace> .

During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess
tent.

He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post
and no women.Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges',
so the camel can stay.'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'.

Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants
down and has wild and insane sex with the camel.

When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are."

[cohibaIV]

Two monks from different monasteries were old friends who shared a great fondness for cigars. Once each year when they had a chance to visit, they would pray together and, of course, light up.Eventually, however, they became concerned that there might be some sin in their habit and they each resolved to ask their respective superiors for guidance.When they met again, one was puffing away."But the head of my monastery told me it was a sin," protested the other."What did you ask him?" said the first."I asked him if it was all right to smoke during evening prayer and he said, 'No.'""Well," said his friend as he blew a perfect smoke ring into the air, "I asked my superior if it was alright to pray during our evening smoke and he said it was just fine!"Moral of the Story: The answer you get depends on the question you ask.

[Simon Bolivar]

Amen to that

[patrickspark]

the E U