Anyone got any jokes?

[davidruddell]

Q: What do George Michael and Chilean miners
have in common?
A: Both will be let out after eight weeks of
heavy drilling.

I thank you.

[jibjob79]

Little Johnny's Teacher says - whoever can answer the following questions can have a half day from school.

Who said "...ask not what your country can do for you" - before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy shouts "John F Kennedy".

Teacher says "very good, Nancy, you can go".

Teacher asks "who said - I have a dream" - before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary shouts - "Martin Luther King".

Teacher says very good Mary, you can go.

"Johnny is raging & just as teacher turns her back Johnny says "I wish those fucking slags would keep their fucking mouths shut"

Teacher looks & says "who said that?"

Johnny replies "Wayne Rooney - see you tomorrow!"

[davidruddell]

I heard that George Michael's come back single, after his prison release, is going to be a cover of the Crystal Gayle classic "Don't It Make My Brown Eye Blue"

[Aussiewaz]

Little Johnny's Teacher says - whoever can answer the following questions can have a half day from school.

Who said "...ask not what your country can do for you" - before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy shouts "John F Kennedy".

Teacher says "very good, Nancy, you can go".

Teacher asks "who said - I have a dream" - before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary shouts - "Martin Luther King".

Teacher says very good Mary, you can go.

"Johnny is raging & just as teacher turns her back Johnny says "I wish those fucking slags would keep their fucking mouths shut"

Teacher looks & says "who said that?"

Johnny replies "Wayne Rooney - see you tomorrow!"

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

[davidruddell]

I saw a sign outside a church which read:

"C H - R C H... There's only one thing missing."

I'm not sure "CHPROOFRCH" is even a word.

[davidruddell]

A man threw some mild cheese at me today.

That's not very mature, is it.

[Aussiewaz]

Top Cigar Ad Slogans

*These aren't your father's cigars ... or your mother's, for that matter.

*When's the last time you had a good stiff Cuban?

*Because size really does matter.

*The bigger the hole, the bigger we roll.

*Available in small, medium, and donkey sizes.

*The "fun-to-put-in" carcinogen!

*After a strokin' it's still good for smokin'.

*Long enough for a man, but made for a woman.

*Won't leave a mess all over her dress!

*These won't go floppy in your mouth.

*The best thing you'll ever find in a box.

*Cigars... they're not just for oral pleasure any more.

*Batteries not included.

[Boss Hog]

Apparently the new FIFA 11 game for Xbox comes with in-game cheats......

Wayne Rooney, Ashley Cole and John Terry

[spooner]

Marriage is like poker. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade.

[Boss Hog]

My favourite X Factor quote:

"It was my brothers dying wish to enter me, it was him that finally made me come"

[davidruddell]

My wife said that my penis reminded her of a tic-tac.
Soon shut her up when I asked "if that's the case why does your sister still had bad breath."

[Aussiewaz]

My wife said that my penis reminded her of a tic-tac.
Soon shut her up when I asked "if that's the case why does your sister still had bad breath."

O o O LMAO.

[davidruddell]

I am frankly disgusted and this shows what a world we live in today.

"A food production company has been fined nearly ?17,000 after a man found a dead mouse in a loaf of bread as he made sandwiches for his children."

...What the fuck was a man doing making sandwiches for children, that's the wife's job.

What a tragedy.

[davidruddell]

Mein Kampf.

Warning contains "Adolf humour"

[eggopp]

Went to a Muslim birthday party the other day and they played Pass the Parcel... didnt keep the package in my hands to long i can tell you!!