Anyone got any jokes?

[SmokinCohibas]

Two cowboys were sitting in a bar when one asked his friend if he had heard of the new sex position called rodeo. His friend says no, what is it?

Well you mount your wife from the back, reach around and cup her breasts with both hands.

Then say, "Boy, those are almost as nice as your sisters".

Then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds.!!!

[Montesmoke]

Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
Take your foot off his head.

[SmokinCohibas]

Little Johnny was taking a shower with his grandma.

He casually asked,"Grandma whats that?" She quickly replied, "That's my beaver". Little Johnny didnt say another word.

Two days later he was taking a shower with his mom. Little Johnny asked,"Mommy whats that?" She replied, "Well Johnny thats my beaver."

Little Johnny thought for a bit and said,"Well grandma's beaver must be dying her tongues hanging out!!"

[cohibaIV]

hahahahahahahahaha

[cohibaIV]

Here are some stupid things that have been said in court:

What is your date of birth?
July fifteenth.
What year?
Every year.



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What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

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This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Yes.
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
I forget.
You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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How old is your son, the one living with you.
Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
How long has he lived with you?
Forty-five years.

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What was the first thing your husband said to you
when he woke that morning?
He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
And why did that upset you?
My name is Susan.

[SmokinCohibas]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?" To which the blonde replies....."

Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling
very sorry at this point, explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!! He rushes out to her, asking, "What's so bad now........are you gonna be ok??"

"No......" exclaims the blonde. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"

[SmokinCohibas]

Two gay firefighters are buttfucking in a smoke filled room.

The fire chief walks in and says "What the hell is going on in here?!"

The Firefighter says "well sir, this man has got smoke inhalation."

The Chief says "why didn''t you give him mouth to mouth"

The Firefighter says "How do you think this shit got started?

[SmokinCohibas]

Two gay guys were in the shower together when one looked down and saw a puddle of white liquid.

He said to the other man - What did I tell you about farting in the shower?

[SmokinCohibas]

A guy is dating three women and can't decide which one to marry.
He gives each ?1,000 to see how well they can manage money. The first one spends ?800 and puts ?200 in the bank. The second one spends ?200 and puts ?800 in the bank. The third one puts the whole ?1,000 in the bank.
Which one does he end up marrying?

The one with the biggest tits.

[Robusto]

Fabulous!

[rokkitsci]

Gay jokes, hunh?

Okay.

So these two gay guys are standing on the San Francisco Golden Gate bridge taking in the sights when one of them suddenly points and asks his partner "Thay, what kind of a boat ith that?"

His friend(?) says, "Thilly boy, that'th a ferry boat."

"Fairy boat? Oh my goodneth; I knew we were organithed, but I didn't know we had a navy!"

[cohibaIV]

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[ATTACH]199[/ATTACH]

[cohibaIV]

Talk about a quickie!!!
>
> There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman.
> They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
> one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
> the two to life.
>
> The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
> blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
> minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
>
> He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.
>
> The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After
> fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.
>
> The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, 'Would you care to
> do it again?' He asks her. 'Shall we?'
>
> She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time,
> I'll hold the pigeon down, and you $hit on its head.'
>
> .... AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????

[Robusto]

Hehehehe...

[Montesmoke]

Wrong but funny!!

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have sex with a nun.'

She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
#1, You have to be single
#2, You must be Catholic.
# 3, I have to save my virginity, you will have to enter me from behind.

The cab driver is very excited and says,
'Yes, I'm single, Catholic, and I'm happy to enter from behind!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfills his fantasy, in a way that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish..'
.
.

.

.

.

..




The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to fancy dress party.'