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Been bothering me ever since my night out with James (Jimmeh) Wednesday last, and have finally arrived at a grand solution.
Let me set the scene.
My lovely daughter and her equally lovely young friend, Jaime; James; and myselves are dining at a local eateria prior to hieing ourselves hither to yon concert and are having a marvelous time, chatting about everything under the sun (well? moon, actually) and have arrived upon the topic of food. We remark about various foodstuffs when alluvasudden, out of the blue, from nowhere as it were, young James blurts out ?We?ve a lot of spotted dick in the UK.?
What? Why would James utter such a thing to the tender young ears of my innocent daughter and ? I am sure ? to the equally tender and innocent ears of her friend? I am completely shocked, but recovering quickly I immediately act to rescue the situation by changing the subject to something innocuous like politics or religion or something ? I don?t recall exactly what. But, I am successful since neither girl seems astounded or offended and the conversation flows smoothly from that point on.
Frankly; however, I am not able to get James? statement out of my mind the remainder of the evening nor, for that matter, since. Having thought of the Bruitish Aisles as being a modern form of monarchy, I naturally assumed that you folk would have discovered modern medicine. Apparently I am mistaken. I mean? we here in the New World have long eradicated the horror of spotted dick with the advent of antibiotics. Little did I dream that you folk still suffer this dreaded condition.
Welp, I decided that I could not let this insufferable state of affairs continue and set about contacting various and sundry pharmaceutical phirms explaining what I had discovered and inquiring as to regards in re WTF we could do about it; specifically, could they provide me with large quantities of antibiotics at a cut-rate discounted charity price. I am ashamed to report that the vast majority of the corporate entities I contacted had little to no regard for the welfare of their fellow beings and either laughed loudly prior to hanging up on me or didn?t even bother to laugh, proceeding directly to the hanging up bit.
Almost at wit?s end (as well as the end of my list of drug companies), I finally hit pay dirt with an outfit called Drew?s Discount Drugz. Speaking directly to Drew, I deduced that Drew?s was able to greatly undermine the cost of other suppliers by dealing in pharmaceuticals which had not been able to acquire the seal of approval given by the US Food and Drug Administration, thus could not be legally sold here in the States. However, Drew was doing a bang-up business selling these selfsame chemical compounds to Third World pissant countries with less stringent testing criteria. Furthermore, he was willing to let go a rather large quantity of inferior antibiotics which had only recently exceeded its nominal shelf life (by only twelve years) at a remarkably reasonable price! I agreed immediately and PayPal-ed him the entire $12.97 (a bit more than ₤8.5 Brittany Spears Pounds Stirling Moss) for the warehouse load.
Huzzah! Now I had the goods, alls I needed was a means of transport to get these life changing drugs to my needful limey friends. Fortunately, I live in a port area and so made haste for the aforementioned port. Area. Lo and behold but what do mine eyebulbs espy if it isn?t a tramp freighter, a bit rusted and bedraggled, but fortuitously named no less than Her Majesty?s Bollocks, surely a noble vessel of the Unified Kingdomes. Quickly attracting the attention of the nearest deckhand, I yell ?Ahoy, matey, argghhhhhh!? (I am conversant in the argot of the seas.)
Hearing a familiar hail, he responds with a friendly ?What the feck you want??
Noting with approval his Bruitish accentuate, I yell to him ?Be ye port of origin mayhap Merrye Olde Inglelande??
To which he answers, ?Bloody hell, do ye think Her Majesty?s Bollocks sails from fecking China??
I am as happy as a little girl to hear confirmation of my expectations and it is a matter of a nonce (p?raps actually closer to two nonces) before I am in enthusiastic conversation with the master of Her Majesty?s Bollocks, the intrepid Captain Ishmael Maroon. I tell him my tale of philanthropic endeavo(u)r and he is only too happy to accommodate my transport needs for compensation of a mere $327,433.82 USD (approximately ₤217,000 Brittany Spears Pounds Stirling Moss) which I PayPal him from my eFone.
Thus the deal is consummated and I make arrangements through a friend who knows the sister of the neighbor of the barber who cuts the hair of the bloke that drives a garbage truck (rubbish lorry?) to have him haul the lot from the warehouse to the freighter for a mere $3,244.61 (you can do the conversion yourselves if you think it necessary at this point).
Long story not very much shorter: the elixir vitae for your isles ills sails, and should be arriving within a fourthnight. P?raps a fifthnight if the Gulf Stream is a bit off its kilter.
I know, I know. No need to thank me. I do this purely as a pubic cervix to my fellow man knowing that any of you would do the same if our situation were reversed.
Let me set the scene.
My lovely daughter and her equally lovely young friend, Jaime; James; and myselves are dining at a local eateria prior to hieing ourselves hither to yon concert and are having a marvelous time, chatting about everything under the sun (well? moon, actually) and have arrived upon the topic of food. We remark about various foodstuffs when alluvasudden, out of the blue, from nowhere as it were, young James blurts out ?We?ve a lot of spotted dick in the UK.?
What? Why would James utter such a thing to the tender young ears of my innocent daughter and ? I am sure ? to the equally tender and innocent ears of her friend? I am completely shocked, but recovering quickly I immediately act to rescue the situation by changing the subject to something innocuous like politics or religion or something ? I don?t recall exactly what. But, I am successful since neither girl seems astounded or offended and the conversation flows smoothly from that point on.
Frankly; however, I am not able to get James? statement out of my mind the remainder of the evening nor, for that matter, since. Having thought of the Bruitish Aisles as being a modern form of monarchy, I naturally assumed that you folk would have discovered modern medicine. Apparently I am mistaken. I mean? we here in the New World have long eradicated the horror of spotted dick with the advent of antibiotics. Little did I dream that you folk still suffer this dreaded condition.
Welp, I decided that I could not let this insufferable state of affairs continue and set about contacting various and sundry pharmaceutical phirms explaining what I had discovered and inquiring as to regards in re WTF we could do about it; specifically, could they provide me with large quantities of antibiotics at a cut-rate discounted charity price. I am ashamed to report that the vast majority of the corporate entities I contacted had little to no regard for the welfare of their fellow beings and either laughed loudly prior to hanging up on me or didn?t even bother to laugh, proceeding directly to the hanging up bit.
Almost at wit?s end (as well as the end of my list of drug companies), I finally hit pay dirt with an outfit called Drew?s Discount Drugz. Speaking directly to Drew, I deduced that Drew?s was able to greatly undermine the cost of other suppliers by dealing in pharmaceuticals which had not been able to acquire the seal of approval given by the US Food and Drug Administration, thus could not be legally sold here in the States. However, Drew was doing a bang-up business selling these selfsame chemical compounds to Third World pissant countries with less stringent testing criteria. Furthermore, he was willing to let go a rather large quantity of inferior antibiotics which had only recently exceeded its nominal shelf life (by only twelve years) at a remarkably reasonable price! I agreed immediately and PayPal-ed him the entire $12.97 (a bit more than ₤8.5 Brittany Spears Pounds Stirling Moss) for the warehouse load.
Huzzah! Now I had the goods, alls I needed was a means of transport to get these life changing drugs to my needful limey friends. Fortunately, I live in a port area and so made haste for the aforementioned port. Area. Lo and behold but what do mine eyebulbs espy if it isn?t a tramp freighter, a bit rusted and bedraggled, but fortuitously named no less than Her Majesty?s Bollocks, surely a noble vessel of the Unified Kingdomes. Quickly attracting the attention of the nearest deckhand, I yell ?Ahoy, matey, argghhhhhh!? (I am conversant in the argot of the seas.)
Hearing a familiar hail, he responds with a friendly ?What the feck you want??
Noting with approval his Bruitish accentuate, I yell to him ?Be ye port of origin mayhap Merrye Olde Inglelande??
To which he answers, ?Bloody hell, do ye think Her Majesty?s Bollocks sails from fecking China??
I am as happy as a little girl to hear confirmation of my expectations and it is a matter of a nonce (p?raps actually closer to two nonces) before I am in enthusiastic conversation with the master of Her Majesty?s Bollocks, the intrepid Captain Ishmael Maroon. I tell him my tale of philanthropic endeavo(u)r and he is only too happy to accommodate my transport needs for compensation of a mere $327,433.82 USD (approximately ₤217,000 Brittany Spears Pounds Stirling Moss) which I PayPal him from my eFone.
Thus the deal is consummated and I make arrangements through a friend who knows the sister of the neighbor of the barber who cuts the hair of the bloke that drives a garbage truck (rubbish lorry?) to have him haul the lot from the warehouse to the freighter for a mere $3,244.61 (you can do the conversion yourselves if you think it necessary at this point).
Long story not very much shorter: the elixir vitae for your isles ills sails, and should be arriving within a fourthnight. P?raps a fifthnight if the Gulf Stream is a bit off its kilter.
I know, I know. No need to thank me. I do this purely as a pubic cervix to my fellow man knowing that any of you would do the same if our situation were reversed.
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