I need inspiration for a Best man's speech!

[moidoid]

My mate has finally acknowledged that I am the best man & I have to write a speech in the next two weeks.

I am OK for most of it but want to introduce his speech in the manner of The Stig on Top Gear: eg

Some say....he can eat FOUR Shredded Wheat

but I need some better ones than that, as you can imagine.

So come on then, getcha thinking caps on, I'm starting to get nervous

[nicwing]

How long have you got to prepare?

Have you ever done this sort of thing before?

The first time I did it I was about 23 and had never done any sort of public speaking before.

If you prepare properly it can reduce your nerves substantially and I have now done it 4 times including to a group of Fleet Street hacks which was VERY DAUNTING!

My suggestion is to get everyone to put down their best one liners and put downs, then make sure you watch Four Weddings and a Funeral again!!!

[moidoid]

I have a couple of weeks but i have a lot of it sorted in my head. I just need to get it in the right order and put it on cue cards. If I go through it enough then it will be nearly learnt.

I've done this sort of thing a few times so I know I can do it alright - although it won't stop me crapping myself on the day I expect! You certainly learn from experience though don't you.

My favourite joke - which is too raw to put in for this gathering -

"I used to hate weddings as a single man. All the little old ladies would come up to me & say 'you'll be next'.

Until I worked out that I could get my own back at funerals..."

I just SO want to use it but the groom has a 91 year old Granny who will probably fall off her perch just to show me up.

[daverave999]

"I used to hate weddings as a single man. All the little old ladies would come up to me & say 'you'll be next'.

Until I worked out that I could get my own back at funerals..."

Love it! I'm no help as I've never been asked to be best man. My friends know my sense of humour too well, and how much dirt I have on them.

[Robusto]

I remember working for hours to get the speech right for my best mate.

I also remember how we were (are) filthy about everything but how the tone of the day had to be kept polite for the family.

Defines the role of a stag night, I guess.

As I don't drink much, I get to drive the sick on those occasions instead.

[moidoid]

I have lots of stories but none of them clean enough for a setting in which his mum is present!

I was sh***ing myself a couple of weeks ago, but, hey - I'm a funny guy!

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Anyone got any suggestions for the stigesque stuff:

"I am OK for most of it but want to introduce his speech in the manner of The Stig on Top Gear: eg

Some say....he can eat FOUR Shredded Wheat

but I need some better ones than that, as you can imagine."

[monkey66]

"Some say he sheds his skin every six months and only gets his hair cut on a full moon, all we know..."

"Some say he has the largest collection of Barbie dolls in the western world and that he is allergic to coca butter, all we know...."

"Some say his fingernail's are all upside down and that he is frightened of conkers, all we know is..."

[El Catador]

"Some say he's only ever read one book, the pop-up version of the 'Karma Sutra', all we know is he's called ..."

[moidoid]

Very good .... keep 'em coming chaps.


There will now be a PRIZE for the best one!!!!

[G-man]

Just explain to him what the true role of the best man use to be and that U and the bride were helping that tradition Make a cum back .
In olden it was believed that a bride was a virgin and it was the best mans duty to have sex with her as to keep the groom from hurting and causing her pain. My how things have changed . Ya know any Virgin that ain't married LOL ?