Nicotine abuse...

[Robusto]

On Thursday, we stop the clocks in my school and have a Health Day for our KS3 pupils. This means all kids 11-14.

I've just glanced at the programme and seen that I'm down to lead a workshop for an hour called Nicotine Abuse.

I'm smiling and laughing quietly here. (Actually very loudly with an ironic sneer in my brain). The people organising this have no idea about my JJ Fox lounge-lizardy. Or my mini-intro-herf this Sunday evening with Dean somewhere near Folkestone. (We live close, you see).

I think we'll all draw cigarette packets with skulls and crossbones, and there will be statutory exhortations summarised as Don't Do It!

I've done it for years in my sleep, this no smoking malarkey with kids, and won't be using it in a feelings' circle as I'm Bryan And I'm A Stogie Toker.

I see my smoking habit as a civilised and refined one. I'm not hungry for Superkings every day! Not at all!

Why wasn't I put down for sexual health?
What am I lacking?

[Robusto]

Make me some lesson plans, please.
I'd love that!

[Wildwood]

I think your first learning outcome should be ensure the kids don't get turned on to cigarettes...make that cigars instead!!

[Robusto]

Exactly my train of thought, Wild!
It's what I tell my own boys at home.

I'll put up with a cigarette smoker over an anti-smoking zealot any day, though. I see them as our very distant partners.

I see non-smoking moaners as:
The Bosch.
The Hun.
The Shoe Bombers.
The Sexually Fraught.
Pol Pot's Toyboys.
The Archbishop's Cutlery Polishers.

They need to light up and lighten up.

[Drewmidorn]

I think we're overpopulated as it is.
Its simply natural selection that makes kids smoke... it should be encouraged.
Don't be wasting good cigars on them.... Lambert and Butler will do just fine.

Hang on...i've got my daily meeting with the leader of the National Front... back soon.

[Robusto]

No worries, Drew.

In our staffroom, we often find ourselves dive-bombing on Mandrax and cuddling each other over piles of uninspiring marking whilst randomly free-associating about the benefits of compulsory sterilisation.

We don't do it for long, but we do do it regularly.

[Robusto]

I've decided to do my Nicotine Danger talk in a scientist's white tunic like teachers of Maths in France.

I want to exude authority as I shape the youth.

[Robusto]

I'm going to wag my finger and frown, too.

[Robusto]

Give me helpful pointers or I'll write nonsense forever and ever amen about this!

As I impart tut tuts, I'll be thinking about some of you evil people on here!

I had a Physics teacher who wanted to show us the evils of smoking by taking a phat lung dose of Benson and Hedges and blowing out the air filth through a white handkerchief. My fag smoking chums just moved in close to the slipstream.

I shall enjoy my hour of shared knowledge by finding out from them how much a cigarette habit costs to motor because I don't have a clue.

By the way... I teach French, Music, ICT and Drama. We'll light up, sing songs from La Cage Aux Folles whilst uploading a database of fag-induced snuff-it stats.

That should please everyone on the day and then we can stop for a half term break.

[Robusto]

[cohibaIV]

Bloody Hell Robusto...that was a rant....hehehehehehe

[Montesmoke]

Scary pic

[Robusto]

Maybe I'll just sit there and enjoy my Monarch.

[cohibaIV]

light up mate, light up......

[larrysputnik]

First you teach them about smoking. Then you assess them on how well they can hold an ash.