Caught By The Fuzz...

[Robusto]

I was pulled over for speeding on Friday night some time after our gig at about 0030...

In truth, I was driving FAR too quickly to get to an Indian restaurant. I just wanted to be on my own and pig out over a curry. Unfortunately, I was clocked.

But it became clear very quickly - "You won't be charged for anything, Sir" - that this was practice for a rookie copper - a young chap, almost pre-pubescent, in a policeman's uniform.

So I had to go through the usual questions... Have you been drinking tonight, Sir?... Have you been smoking tonight, Sir?... (always an interesting question in these circumstances)...

Then the blow test into a white plastic tube which clocked up all clear.

I have to say the two guys were charming throughout. I've had a moment with a sarcy copper before, but there was none of that, and I guess they clock your number plates and then wait for you to trot out a truthful name and address.

What with stopping a punch-up between two of my bandmates in a club, and seeing one of them drive off in his car at speed leaving his muso equipment behind - always a very gay moment, a muso storm-off - I feel I'm having (seriously) a wonderful, wonderful life.

[larrysputnik]

keep your eye out for them smokies, bandit.

[cohibaIV]

Close call Bryan...

So was it hand bags at dawn with the band mates...

[Robusto]

Hehehe... None of us is gay, but the situation was very gay. Just that storming out thing through tight doors with heavy equipment that bangs about whilst everyone raises their eyes or just looks at each other. We're quietly lining up a dep, but this gay muso fiasco will all be over in a blink.

Some people, some artists, are just taut springs ready to splat. I can be like this myself, but not for the reason of the trauma.

It was because... this is ridiculous!... we were asked to play Can You Feel It Coming In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins (aka a polished retro-turd, but we are there to serve), and one of our line-up is a funk purist and felt it belittled the band.

I just hear other songs as I'm playing stuff like that. I heard Too Low For Zero - Elton John. They're both wankarounds in D minor, anyway.

My own thoughts are that I'd play I Will Survive if someone requested it, and indeed we HAVE played that at the drop of a hat.

I can't carry on like Sly Stone every night. I'll do The Sweet if we're asked. You have to keep the punters happy...

Larry/Joe - The adjective 'gay' is used over here for 'stupid' (and variants). I have a lesbian guitarist friend who told me off for using it as it offended her. I'll stick to fuck and fucking now and again when my luck's in.

My workmates will talk about kitchen units they scavenged from the back of B&Q over the weekend in pauses when they're not expressing Ofsted Fear at break tomorrow, and I will want to describe the women who gyrated on the monitors like the Karma Sutra whilst we played last night.

Kent is WILD in its hinterlands, my friends...

Let me live out my last decades in a fantasy cloud, brothers.
Let me be, Rhiannon.

[smokiejoe]

HAHAHAHA,all in a hard days night eh bry.Bands eh.lol

[Robusto]

Actually I'm just back from a smoke round the block and remembered that I've squared up with a member of the band face-to-face in black suits at a wedding over how a line in a song should have been played. Right in front of the top table, and the other guy is a trained boxer.

We shouted at each other and joshed up, then ended up embracing each other as reconciled lovers for quite a long time in front of 'the public'. My opponent said 'I love you, Bryan' into my ear. Not normal!

It really is bloody gay, all this stupid boys' squabble stuff! We're both as straight as a broomhandle, and it's the sort of ridiculous stuff I'd love to see if I was one of the guests!

It only happens once in a blue moon. I promise you we're a safe-bet booking!

[smokiejoe]

Well at least it ended with good feelings mate and not black eyes,theres no need to get all rowdy mate,lifes too short,its best just to clear the air and get it over and done with.One thing i hate is two faced people and bullshiters,(and people who know there in the wrong and dont admit it).Glad youve sortted it out and cleared the air.well done,bet you feel alot better now.

[Robusto]

All is fine, and all will be fine with the guy who left in a cloud of dust. We know each other too well to play Burton and Taylor for too long. Toytowntrauma.

[Wildwood]

You should see Librarians squaring off...now THAT is a sight!! Especially the women....



Mind you, humping (!) big books can do wonders for your biceps...its the students that make you stroppy!!

Wildwood

[Robusto]

Seems the gay stand-off continues...
Neither party backing down at present.
My emails urging the resumption of normal service - short, friendly - have been ignored.

I've played hundreds of gigs with these guys in three years.
They've played thousands over about fifteen years.

There is something crass about men being very stubborn.
Maybe if I were one of the two involved, I'd feel it differently.
It is quite pathetic, tho.

[Wildwood]

Give 'em time Bryan, they'll realise they have more in common than what they might argue about...

Don't know why people don't just agree to differ, and buy each other a beer...seems simple to me.

Wild

[Robusto]

I agree.
Or trade cigars and smoke them over a pint.
Anyone else sorted a difference of opinion that way?
I can't do it in the day job, more's the pity!

[larrysputnik]

Being in a band is tough man. But keep in mind that the best music ever written and performed was made in bands where the musicians hated each other:

Jane's Addiction
Pink Floyd
Fleetwood Mac
Beatles

Any others I've forgotten?

[Robusto]

Very true, Joe. Pink Floyd were off the planet with that!
It has gone a bit shit overnight so I'll leave off the topic.
I've got badges for Conflict Resolution to go with my Grade 8 Switchblade certificate.
I am arranging a cigars-together-huggery at a half-way pub.
A magna-gay moment.

Ever taken cigars to a meet-up to offer to cigarette smokers, and they leave them half-finished because they are "too strong"? I just pick up their remaining inches from the ashtray and keep on smoking! I'm not letting gold dust go discarded!

It's like a special bonus, and I had to finish off three phat Montecristos in Tunbridge Wells last Summer like this on a spectacular cigar bonus day! (I love such days).

[Wildwood]

Being in a band is tough man. But keep in mind that the best music ever written and performed was made in bands where the musicians hated each other:

Jane's Addiction
Pink Floyd
Fleetwood Mac
Beatles

Any others I've forgotten?

Not a fan, but wasn't it the Jesus and Mary Chain that had a couple of brothers who used the beat the s**t out of each other on stage? My wife is a fan, but personally not my favourite band so could have gotten this completely wrong...

Wildwood