Joke of the day

[ha_banos]

A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink.

The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdainful, points to a sign clearly labelled: NO JOKES SERVED HERE

Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.

The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.

Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approaches and asks the chicken ?Are you part of a joke??

?Yeah.? the chicken replies.

Again, he points to the sign: NO JOKES SERVED HERE

The chicken argues ?Well then how?s a chicken supposed to get his beak wet??

The bartender moves his pointed finger from the sign to the window.

?There?s another bar across the road.?

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[Shaun]

When are you posting the joke?

[ha_banos]

Nobody got the joke [emoji21]

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[moteyi]

Nobody got the joke [emoji21]

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We're all in the bar having a well earned pint!

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[ha_banos]

This is the origin story of why did the chicken cross the road!!

#geddit?

[Alexw33]

Origin stories are all the rage these days

[snooky]

Two old ladies sat outside for a smoke. As they lit up it starts to rain. One old lady takes a durex from a pack in her bag and covers her cigarette with it. The other lady asks what it is and is told "its a condom you can get from the chemist.
The next day the other old lady sets off to Boots and asks the young man behind the counter for a pack of condoms. The young man full of mirth asks " would you like them ribbed, coloured or flavoured ?"
The old lady says " Oh i dont mind as long as it fits a Camel " !

[Kickback]

One day in the future, Donald Trump has a heart-attack and dies.
He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my
list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here,
so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here
who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you
have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Donald thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened
the door to the first room.

In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. Nixon kept
diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and
over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate
in hell.

"No," Donald said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and it would ruin my hair.
I don't think I could do that all day long."


The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Ronald Reagan with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks.
all he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder.
I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks
all day," commented Donald

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Donald saw Bill
Clinton , lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his
legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica
Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Donald looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah
man, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said..........






"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[thedame007]

Poor Bill, looking down it’ll be like getting devoured by a fluffy guinea pig (instead of a sexist/racist pig)

[Kickback]

I accidentally locked my cat in the washing machine last week.
At least it died in comfort.

[thedame007]

Icarus is less than impressed ...




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[Hookmaker]

Picked this one up:
Germany just made a new record. They?ve marched 10k men into Moscow. That?s 40 km further than the last record set in 1942!

[Simon Bolivar]

Picked this one up:
Germany just made a new record. They?ve marched 10k men into Moscow. That?s 40 km further than the last record set in 1942!

And if more than 25% make it back, that'll be another record!

[Kickback]

Chap walks into a cafe and looks at the menu and it reads:

Cheese Roll ?1
Ham Roll ?1.50
Hand Job ?10

He then sees a beautiful young woman who works there, with a lovely body and huge tits.
He says "Do you give the hand jobs?"
She says "Yes I do".
He says "Well wash your hands, I want 2 cheese rolls

[Hookmaker]

Did you all know there’s female hormones in beer? Well you certainly can’t drive a car or stop talking after 10 of them