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This ones slightly violent, but that said there is an absolute HUMDINGA of a line halfway through after the shooting; 2min 50 sec through !!
This one is a bit ugly, so apologies in advance if this is not to your humour or taste, that said its meant to be a black comedy !
If..
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Thursday evening open mike spot
Good evening, nice to see you all here this evening, I've only got a few minutes so it's quickfire tonight:
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
I said, "Morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh*t."
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike.
Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way,
so I stole one and asked him to forgive me
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking.
When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!"
I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted,
"Oi, what's your disability?"
I said, "Tourettes! Now f *** off, My name's Nic Wing, Good night!Nic
Editor UK Cigar Scene Magazine
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Yesterday I was buying a 2 large bags of Purina dog food at Tescbury's, for my dogs Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt and a car hit me.Nic
Editor UK Cigar Scene Magazine
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Originally posted by linfield100 View Post
Nice one, Great entertainment. Tony, absolutly brilliant.
Called "men in coats" I believe
Free the UKCF one
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