Todays Joke.

[Stevieboy]

Great story, but sadly untrue Craig

Lookyhere

Shame it's not true...

[whisky77]

Hook, line, and sinker.

Great story, but sadly untrue Craig

Lookyhere

Had me hook, line, and sinker CJ.

Cheers for the link mate.Now i can email my mate and tell him he`s an arse.

[cj121]

LOL. Had me going too Craig. I was donning my flat cap and high viz jacket with a view to staking the fair out that's in town

[whisky77]

Tickets.

LOL. Had me going too Craig. I was donning my flat cap and high viz jacket with a view to staking the fair out that's in town

I have already sent away for a ticket issuing machine.

[Mr Omneo]

not a joke as such, but a very amusing video

Language is a bit fruity so you may not wanna listen at work or around innocent ears

[cj121]

Brilliant that Mr. O, Mr M posted it up recently. Class.

[the mothman]

Lonely John

John was lonely, so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. He went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, (100-leg bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar for a drink.

So he asked the centipede in the box, 'Would you like to go to Frank's place with me and have a beer?'

Silence; there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit; he waited a few minutes, and then asked him again, 'How about going to the bar and having a beer with me?' Again, there was no answer; nothing but silence came from his new friend and pet. So, he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time. This time, putting his face up against the centipede's house, and shouting, 'Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank's place and have a beer with me?
************************************************** *******

A little voice came out of the box: ?I heard you the first time! I'm putting my f * cking shoes on! ?



1. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and creates an air lock) .

[Boss Hog]

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke.
'Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.'
'I know, Father. In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two.'
'I agree,' says the Father. 'Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?'
'Anything, Father.'
'I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.'
'Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm.'
The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
'Sister, would you mind if I touched them?' She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
'Father, could I ask something of you?'
'Yes, Sister?'
'I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?'
'I suppose that would be OK,' the Priest replied lifting his robe.
'Oh Father, may I touch it?'
The priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he was sporting a huge erection.
'Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it can give life.'
'Is that true Father?'
'Yes, it is, Sister.'
'Oh Father, that's wonderful .. stick it in the camel and let's get the hell out of here!'

[whisky77]

School

Teacher says to little Tommy 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?'

Tommy says 'My grandfather got burnt' Teacher says 'Badly?'

Little Tommy says ' Yes, they don't f**k about at the crematorium . '

[pligster]

monkey business

Two monkeys in a bath. One says "uh uh ah ah".







The other says "I TOLD you not to put so much hot water in"!