Oh you Mother Shucker

[G-man]

U mother shuckin AZZhat you done did it again. LMAOROTF
Lee you thought you were safe ! As safe a the Mad Bomber and
the Mother of all bombs to date.
Shuckin thanks for helping with the Mass Bombing .
G

[moppy]

Christ alive Shuckins have you quit smoking? Whats goin on!

[Big J]

There goes that man again...The Mad Bomber!

[rokkitsci]

Shuckins 411

Who is this benevolent mystery bomber?

A question that has been burning in the minds of all UKCF BOTL's.

Welp, I took it upon myselves to do some investigating. Fortunately, I have the wherewithal: access to the NASA Sooper-Sekrit Snooping Squad and Combination Accordion Delta Blues Band. These hearty lads can find a flea on a camel in Turkmenistan and tell you what he et for breakfast. So I set them loose on the quest for the "down 'n' dirty" on our very own shuckster.

First off, his name is really Sir Smythington Wimbledy-Poof Adderly Carstairs "Ted" Frothingslosh. This is not his real name, only the one he assumed upon his arrival to the UK some time in the late 40's. Although it is known that he entered on a tramp freighter docked at Liverpool, his point of origin has yet to be determined.

After hiring out as a Japanese origami teacher to a pair of deaf/mute dwarfs from the Dingle, Frothingslosh later went on to become a fashion designer on Carnaby Street, then made a substantial gain in short selling fern futures when the dreaded Pythium Root Rot scourge all but wiped out the entire Pterophyta phylum.

However, his real success and the source of his current vast fortune, came from his chain of Eiffel Tower souvenir shoppes. From his humble beginning, the small storefront in the East End, his empire now spreads across all nine continents and in every country in the world excepting Swaziland, which he resents on account of the lack of hospitality shown him when he remarked that the local residents smelt like cod rotting in a turd bucket.

Enterprising chap that he is, he further augmented his affluence by co-locating Emergency Eiffel Tower Removal Surgical Centres, nearby his souvenir shops after the craze for shoving Eiffel Tower souvenirs into bodily orifices swept the world. Current estimates place his wealth at somewhere between Nu3,143,984,655 Bhutanese ngultrum and ₲63,495,242,199 Parguayan guarani.

It was in his early 50's, that he became acquainted with the cigar fascination that currently obsesses him. In a chance meeting with then President John F. Kennedy in an obscure bistro in Morocco, Kennedy (after a few too many Camel Coolers) let known his intention to blockade all goods from Cuber, including seegars. Frothingslosh, sensing an opportunity, bought virtually the entire Cuban cigar inventory and had it shipped to a newly-constructed "Cigaratorium" he had built for him on the grounds of the old Gosport Airfield. Sampling a few of his newly-acquired wares, he found he was quite fond of them, thus beginning his quest to amass the largest repository of stogies in the known universe.

Although precise figures are not available, it is estimated that Frothingslosh has enough cigars to feed the entire population of China well into the 23rd century.

In late 2002, on safari in Madrid, Frothingslosh was in a freak accident involving several cucumbers and a three-legged llama, leaving him in a coma for almost a fifthnight. Doctors worked feverishly to save his life despite the gloomy prognosis of re-attaching his head. Miraculously, he survived and awoke from his coma; however, the doctors -- not trained in a formal and accredited medical institution -- in re-attaching his head, inadvertently sewed his bollocks to his nose in order to keep his airways open. The success of the operation was overshadowed by the dismal fact that Frothingslosh could no longer put a cigar in his mouth, now obscured by his sack.

Despite his bizarre disfiguration, he nonetheless undertook to bestow upon the world his love of all things cigar by instigating a mass "bombing" campaign using the nom de guerre "shuckins" taken from a boyhood experience with a Catholic priest.

A very private person, it is known that he favours Brazil in the World Cup and takes his tea with two lumps and a farkin.

[shuckins]

somebody's been reading my mail!!

thanks for not mentioning my duck fetish george,that would have been embarrassing...lol

[ctrl]

being new to this, im finding cigar bombs both fascinating and v. funny...
Ive had such a giggle reading this thread and some of the other bomb threads...and wow what a nice arsenal is in them....restored my faith in humanity to some degree

[tippexx]

[QUOTE=rokkitsci;82086]Who is this benevolent mystery bomber?


.... survived and awoke from his coma; however, the doctors -- not trained in a formal and accredited medical institution -- in re-attaching his head, inadvertently sewed his bollocks to his nose in order to keep his airways open. The success of the operation was overshadowed by the dismal fact that Frothingslosh could no longer put a cigar in his mouth, now obscured by his sack ....

I fear you may be right Rok.

Though more disconcerting is this favouring a brazillian, which given the now necessary location of his scrotum renders him with a somewhat passing resemblance to an ex-German dictator or at best a comedy tramp from the silent pictures era.