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Suicidal wasp causes Gold Medal disaster!
You know when you get a craving for a specific cigar? Ever since this morning I've been longing to smoke one of my Boli GM's.
I get home after a stressful day, have a quick bite to eat and then finally get a chance to unwind in the garden with one of my favourite smokes and a glass of Guinness. I?ve been anticipating this all day but that makes it all the more rewarding. I take a little time to admire and smell the cigar before firing it up.
I take a long puff and sit back in my deckchair, enjoying the last of the sunshine. The stress starts to melt away and the world feels like a more peaceful place.
But what?s this?! My tranquillity is rudely interrupted by a wasp buzzing around my head. I don?t like wasps. They?re vicious little buggers and their existence seems utterly pointless. At least bees have the decency to make honey. Wasps just buzz in an annoying way, fall in your drink and try to sting you. They?re also hard to get rid of: if you attempt to swat them they?re liable to buzz even more and start becoming aggressive. So I resolved to ignore the wasp and hope that it goes away of its own accord.
To be honest, I wouldn?t be at all bothered if wasps became extinct. I can understand why we should protect nice animals like pandas. Pandas are cuddly and multicultural (what other animal is black, white and Asian?) But wasps have tiny brains yet still act like they?re at the top of the food chain. I reckon we should wipe them out.
Although I view wasps as sadistic, annoying and arrogant creatures, I didn?t bank on the fact that this particular wasp was also suicidal. And true to its nature, it decided to kill itself in the most irritating way possible: it dive-bombed straight into the lit end of my beautiful Bolivar and its nasty little body started to melt. There are a lot of different flavours that I like to taste in a cigar. Burning insect isn?t one of them.
I should?ve kept calm and taken stock of the situation. Instead, I panicked and started searching frantically for anything that could be used to remove the burning wasp from my prized Gold Medal. Although I was surrounded by cigar paraphernalia (cutter, lighter and ashtray), none of those items seemed right for the job. So I picked up a nearby stick and tried to flick the wasp away.
This had mixed results. On the plus side, the fried wasp went flying across the garden. On the minus side, vigorously hitting the end of my cigar caused it to spay burning embers all over my legs. Since I was wearing shorts at the time this was a painful procedure. In my eagerness to brush the embers off, I somehow managed to drop the cigar and then accidentally stepped on it.
There was no salvaging the poor GM. I chucked it into the bushes while swearing profusely. I wish that I could come up with a witty moral to this story, but I?m starting to have a sense of humour failure. Next time I go outside for a smoke I?m taking a massive can of insect repellent with me.
I get home after a stressful day, have a quick bite to eat and then finally get a chance to unwind in the garden with one of my favourite smokes and a glass of Guinness. I?ve been anticipating this all day but that makes it all the more rewarding. I take a little time to admire and smell the cigar before firing it up.
I take a long puff and sit back in my deckchair, enjoying the last of the sunshine. The stress starts to melt away and the world feels like a more peaceful place.
But what?s this?! My tranquillity is rudely interrupted by a wasp buzzing around my head. I don?t like wasps. They?re vicious little buggers and their existence seems utterly pointless. At least bees have the decency to make honey. Wasps just buzz in an annoying way, fall in your drink and try to sting you. They?re also hard to get rid of: if you attempt to swat them they?re liable to buzz even more and start becoming aggressive. So I resolved to ignore the wasp and hope that it goes away of its own accord.
To be honest, I wouldn?t be at all bothered if wasps became extinct. I can understand why we should protect nice animals like pandas. Pandas are cuddly and multicultural (what other animal is black, white and Asian?) But wasps have tiny brains yet still act like they?re at the top of the food chain. I reckon we should wipe them out.
Although I view wasps as sadistic, annoying and arrogant creatures, I didn?t bank on the fact that this particular wasp was also suicidal. And true to its nature, it decided to kill itself in the most irritating way possible: it dive-bombed straight into the lit end of my beautiful Bolivar and its nasty little body started to melt. There are a lot of different flavours that I like to taste in a cigar. Burning insect isn?t one of them.
I should?ve kept calm and taken stock of the situation. Instead, I panicked and started searching frantically for anything that could be used to remove the burning wasp from my prized Gold Medal. Although I was surrounded by cigar paraphernalia (cutter, lighter and ashtray), none of those items seemed right for the job. So I picked up a nearby stick and tried to flick the wasp away.
This had mixed results. On the plus side, the fried wasp went flying across the garden. On the minus side, vigorously hitting the end of my cigar caused it to spay burning embers all over my legs. Since I was wearing shorts at the time this was a painful procedure. In my eagerness to brush the embers off, I somehow managed to drop the cigar and then accidentally stepped on it.
There was no salvaging the poor GM. I chucked it into the bushes while swearing profusely. I wish that I could come up with a witty moral to this story, but I?m starting to have a sense of humour failure. Next time I go outside for a smoke I?m taking a massive can of insect repellent with me.
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